(dramatic music)
(whimsical music)
(hooves thudding) (horses whinnying)
- (whistling) Yaw!
(hooves thudding) (horses whinnying)
(whistling) Yaw, yaw!
(whistling) Yaw, yup, yup, yaw (whistling)!
Yaw, hey yup, yaw, (whistling) yaw!
(hooves thudding) (horses whinnying)
Yaw (whistling)!
(whimsical music)
Son of a.
Mae, where'd I put that wire?
- In the saddlebag.
- [Dub] Side cutters too?
- [Mae] Yep.
- [Dub] Boy, Hals buys this cheap wire.
- Okay.
- [Dub] Come over here and help me, will ya?
- We should've brought Hals along with us.
- (chuckles) What for?
- Because we need him.
He's gonna be mad.
- Yeah, he's gonna be mad when he sees I got 10 broomtails.
- What do you mean you got 10 broomtails?
What about me?
- You helped.
- Yeah, and there's only eight.
- [Dub] Well, I thought there was 10.
- Eight.
- Must've lost a couple back there.
Eight or 10, what difference does is make?
It's still a great morning.
It's been a long time since we shared a sunrise together.
- (chuckles) Oh, we've had some good times together, Dub.
You, me, Hals.
Thanks for never making me choose between the of ya.
- Well, hell Mae, you ain't gotta choose this morning.
Hals ain't even here.
- That's right.
(horn blowing)
- Them Hawks brothers come after these horses.
- Dub, for God's sake, that's Tucker's truck.
- Yeah, got that God darn Hals with him.
- Morning, Mae.
- Morning.
- Dub, put that thing away.
How many times have I told ya, just to throw it away.
Damn gun fires off if a fly lands on it.
Told you a thousand times
the thing's gonna blow up by itself
and blast your kneecaps off.
(Mae laughing)
- What're you doing here?
Why you spruced up like that?
- How did you know we were out here this morning?
- Think a body can sleep when big-footed yahoo
is taking out that trailer?
Crash, crash, crash.
- Are you just pretended to sleep,
so I come out here and do your work for ya by myself.
- By yourself?
- Now, Mae and Ringo were here.
- How'd you know that?
- I heard ya planning it at your bar last night.
- I thought you were passed out, you old skunk.
You damn snoop.
That was a private conversation.
- When you got a couple of shots under your belt.
Ain't no conversation private.
- Oh shit.
Well, what do ya think
of the 10 great broomtails we got for ya?
- Eight, now come on.
You gonna talk or you gonna work?
We gotta get these ponies to Sacramento.
- Tucker, let's load up!
(whimsical music)
- [Dub] Yaw, yaw, yaw!
- Yaw, yaw, haw haw!
- [Dub] Come on, et in, Get in (Whistling)!
(whimsical music)
- Watch out, Dub!
- Some of a bitch, hey yaw!
Haw, haw, yaw, haw, haw!
Haw, haw, yaw!
Hey yep, haw haw!
God darn, we got lucky.
All right Tucker, pull her away!
Great bunch of broomtails, Hals!
Gonna make some rodeo happy!
- That was a good days work.
- [Dub] Yeah, got lucky.
- How long you gonna be gone?
- I'll be back in a few days.
Dub, stay sober, don't gamble,
and take care of old Ringo for me.
- Yeah well, I ain't worried about me.
You just be sure
you ain't cheated outta them damn broomtails.
And will ya please send me some money?
I don't wanna spend my government check
paying for your feed, sir.
- That's be the day.
Come on Mae, I'll take ya back to town.
- Oh.
- Gotta open the bar, you know.
- Yeah, see ya at the bar.
- [Hals] So long partner.
- Thanks a lot partner.
What kind of a son of a bitch.
I let that bastard do that to me again.
Look at that.
He just sweeps her right away.
Right, without a fair thee well.
God darn, how can I let him do that to me?
(horse whinnying)
You said it, Buster.
Yeah, thinks I can't do a darn thing.
Hello, Ringo.
Hals says I never have, never could,
and never will finish anything.
He's, he's got to be the finish up man.
That old fart.
He thinks I can't do a damn thing.
You know it.
Come on, he gonna find out.
Could've had Mae all to myself.
Gonna get this whole place so slicked up and squared away.
It's gonna look like it belonged to Roy Rogers.
Now, come on, now.
Haw, Buster, what's the matter with you?
You're actin' like your drunk.
(whimsical music)
(wind chimes ringing)
- [Mae Voiceover] Hals went to Sacramento, all right,
but this time he didn't come back.
Days turned into weeks without a word from him.
Bit by bit, Dub went to pieces.
Seems like all I do is worry about them.
* I'm drinking my ride
* And thinking of my foul talking lady
* Well, it seems like a year
* Since my baby's been here by my side
* And all through the nights, lonesome nights
* I'm a little bit crazy
* 'Cause the more that I've been through
* Is another taste of you
* Before this night is through
* Drink my sweetheart away
* I'll drink my sweetheart away
* Hey bartender, pour me another
* If I stumble or fall
* Please don't move me at all
* I'll be all right
* I'll drink my sweetheart away
* Hey bartender, pour me another
- It's your lucky day.
- It ain't gonna cover much,
but thanks Uncle Sammie.
No word from Hals?
- No.
- It ain't like him, Mae.
I mean, to disappear like that without wiring me the money.
- Well, maybe he's having fun.
I mean, he has a niece in Sacramento.
Maybe he's visiting her.
- Well, I ain't having any fun.
He knows I'm broke.
- (scoffs) Dub, you're broke,
because you lost to Lonnie Hawks playing poker.
- All right.
When you got a feed bill that's over $500.00
and all you got is 50, you better trust the luck.
- Bullshit, that kid is nothing but trouble.
- Ah hell, he's crazy.
He likes to shoot horses.
He wants to put me outta business.
- That's all we do around here
is talk about how crazy Lonnie Hawks is.
- You brought him up.
- All right, look, why don't you get your ass outta here,
and round up those stallions before Hals gets back.
- I had to sell my horse.
- You sold Ringo?
- No, Buster, Hals would shoot me.
Are you kidding, if I sold Ringo?
He claims that horse has got part of his soul.
Well, at least it'll buy me and old Ringo some grub.
- I'll let you know.
- Y'all take care, Dub.
Dub's sure gone to hell ever since Hals come up missing.
- Ah, I didn't want Dub to know how worried I was.
I mean, it's just not like him not to phone,
or write, or something.
- He's been gone two weeks.
- Two weeks!
- Well look, I'm gonna do a little checking.
Nothing official, just in case he's having fun.
- Having fun, I'll kick his ass.
- (chuckles) Thanks, Mae.
- (sighs) Shit.
- [Dub] Well, what the hell?
Listen, I got my check right here, boy.
Well, don't I even get a six-pack outta this?
- [Storekeeper] No!
(light piano music)
- Well, I didn't come home with nothing today, Ringo.
Nothing, but an apple.
No check from Hals.
Yeah, but I'm gonna get it squared away.
Well, hell, I'll eat this apple myself.
(Bear barking)
Why, you dirty little dog!
(Dub grunting)
Son of a bitch.
I'm gonna clean this shirt.
Shitty little bastard.
I'm gonna bite your head off.
(Bear barking)
God darn you, you son of a bitch.
This is the last damn shirt
I'm gonna wash up because of you.
If you ever do that again knit head,
I'm gonna catch you in your sleep,
and I'm gonna squeeze your sorry little head off.
(dog whining)
Hey, talking to you.
Grind you up into horse feed.
Cut you up into kitty cutlets.
(Bear whining)
(tires screeching)
- [Lonnie] If you're in there Farley,
you better come out, hey!
- He's in there Lon, the radiators still hot.
- Okay.
- Watch out.
- I want my money, I want it now.
- Listen Lonnie, you got no right on my property.
Now, you just hold it right there.
- Hey, this is gonna be my property,
if you don't fork over old man,
and don't you give me any shit
about you not having the money,
'cause we know all about your government check.
Uh huh, and don't try payin' me off
with no food stamps, all right.
- I never been on welfare in my life.
- Well, that ain't the way we heard it now, is it Lon?
- (chuckles) Yeah, that's right, Rog.
Word around town is Farley's idea of a fortune cookie
is his food stamps wrapped up in a tortilla.
(both laughing)
- All right, you two shitheads.
I'm drawing the line.
You've gone too fuckin' far.
Get the hell off my land!
- Hold up, this is a mighty fine
piece of property you got here.
- Oh yeah, you got a real ranchito here.
- Don't get me wired up.
I don't wanna use this thing, I mean it.
- Now, what're you gonna do with that thing, Farley, huh?
You even got the damn strength to pull the trigger?
Shit, look at him.
We got us just an old drunk here, Rog.
- Who you calling an old drunk?
- You, now maybe you got the strength,
but you sure as hell ain't got the guts, Dub, huh.
Now, which one of us you gonna get first, huh, huh?
Which one, which one, huh?
- [Roger] That's enough Lonnie.
Let's just take the horse and go, all right.
- If you take another step towards that horse, boy,
and I'm gonna blow your nuts off, but.
- All right, we'll leave, but you know what?
We're talking the nag with us.
(Dub grunts) (Lonnie laughs)
(gun firing) (Lonnie screams)
- This was a accident.
I didn't mean to do that.
I swear to God.
- What are you nuts?
- Ha, hey boys!
(Bear barking)
- Just don't point that thing at us.
- [Dub] Hey listen, hey.
- Don't point that thing at me.
Now, put it down!
- Put it down!
Just put it down!
- [Dub] Ain't nothing to it.
(gun firing)
Uh, God damn.
- You son of a bitch!
Your ass is mine now.
Come on, let's get outta here.
- [Dub] There must be something wrong with the gun.
(tires screeching)
- Hawks, they're all talk.
- I'm still checking.
Nothing's come up.
No arrests, no accidents.
He delivered the horses okay,
but that's as far as I been able to get.
- Oh, that's it.
It's a letter from Hals to Dub.
Oh God, I'd know that handwriting anywhere.
- I told ya, I ain't supposed to be in here.
- Mr. Johnson, just calm down.
- I want my pants, so's I can go to the bathroom.
- Mr. Johnson, you should be thinking about your heart.
- Lady, my heart's doing the backstroke right now,
'cause I gotta take a leak.
Now, get me my pants.
- Well, if you would avail yourself
of the facilities that we have provided.
- Pissin' in a can ain't no facility in my book.
- Mr. Johnson, if you won't contain yourself,
I will have no other choice but to summon help.
- Lady, that's what I'm tryin' to tell ya.
I can't contain myself.
Now, give me my pants,
so's I can go to the john like a man oughta,
and I hope you get, better bring a mop and a bucket.
What the hell do you call this thing.
- [Nurse] It's called a urinal.
- I thought you called it facility.
- I said facility.
- You can take yourself the facility
and piss in it yourself.
(bedpan thudding)
- Mr. Johnson, I will not listen to another word.
- What's that thing?
- I told you, Mr. Johnson, I'd summon help.
- Lady, let's not get outta control.
I just, I just don't wanna walk down the hall
and be laughed at.
- Mr. Johnson refuses to use the urinal.
Will you gentlemen show him the alternative, please?
- Now, get away from me, the both of ya.
First man touches that donager is a dead son of a.
- Dub, Dub, I got a letter here from Hals.
- It's about time.
Uh huh, well, what Hals have to say.
- He's in trouble, Dub, he needs your help.
You gotta go to Sacramento.
- Go to Sacramento.
I'm so broke I couldn't even crawl to town.
- I'll help ya, if ya let me.
- I wouldn't feel right about it.
I've never taken no money from no one.
- I know that, let's just call it a loan, okay?
Just till Hals get back here.
- He's mighty important to ya, isn't he?
- No more than you are.
- I wouldn't be no good for you, Mae.
- Shoot, after 30 years you're gonna get sentimental.
I'd go myself, but I can't leave the bar,
so why don't you get your ass outta here,
and go help a friend who needs ya.
- You wanna come in and have a little drink?
- No, you make me too mad.
- Suit yourself.
- What in heavens name you feeding that horse?
- Twinkies, I ain't gonna spend this.
(light piano music)
(Bear whining)
(Bear barks)
All right.
Here ya go.
Hey, that's good, got carrots, taters.
Ungrateful son of a bitch.
How about that?
We'll be back.
(Bear whining)
(Ringo whinnying)
(light piano music)
God darn uppity horse.
(Bear barking and growling)
- Get ya more coffee?
- [Tom] Yeah, thanks, Mae.
* Quiet fire burning in your pipe
* Your desires so hard to live down
- Hey Sue, can we get a couple more long necks down here?
* The world is turning faster
* And you tell me what you want to do
* Quiet fire burning in your pipe
* Your desires so hard to live down
- Has Farley been in here today?
- I don't know.
- You hadn't seen him?
- [Roger] You sure about that?
- [Lonnie] Okay, let's go.
- Can I get you boys something?
- No, we're all right.
- What you guys want with Dub?
- Ah, there's no problem, Sheriff.
Just wanna talk to him.
If you see him, tell him we're looking for him.
- Outta town.
He's not gonna be back for a couple of days.
- Thank you Ma'am.
We'll look for him then.
Ah, y'all have a nice day.
We'll be seeing ya.
* Quiet fire burning in your
- Let's get us a rope.
- I say, yes.
(both laughing)
- Hey, I never did know.
Why's Dub get those government checks?
- He's a hero, Tom.
Got shot in the war.
- Oh yeah, where, Vietnam, Korea?
- Got shot in the ass.
- (laughs) How do you know that?
- I seen it.
(Tom clears throat)
- I think I'll go on to Dub's and take a look around.
(Mae laughing)
(light music)
(horn blowing)
(tires screeching)
(light music)
(Bear barking)
(light harmonica music)
Hey Buddy, how ya doin' boy.
Good, good doggy, yeah.
Hey Ringo, ooh, not hungry, huh?
- [Roger] Damn, the Sheriff's here.
- [Lonnie] What's he doin' here?
- [Roger] Come on, Lonnie, let's go.
(tires screeching)
(Ringo whinnying)
(truck backfiring)
- Oh come on, don't do this to me.
(light piano music)
(truck backfiring)
Here we go, fried.
Whew, Jesus, whew.
(Dub grunts)
(Dub grumbles)
(light piano music)
- [TV Narrator] George saved his brothers life that day,
but he caught bad a cold which infected his left ear.
Cost him his hearing in that ear.
- Howdy, you folks know Mr. Halsted Johnson?
Now, he's a ornery son of a bitch.
You'd remember him if you met him.
- [Woman] Good morning.
- Howdy, Ma'am.
Ah, could you tell me where Mr. Halsted Johnson is?
I'm Dub Farley.
- Farley, well, Mr. Farley, you're not on the visitors list,
and Mr. Johnson can't have visitors that aren't on the list.
I'm sure you'll understand.
- Yeah well, I'm real good friends.
See, he sent me this letter.
I mean, I just got a couple of gifts for him.
I won't be but a few minutes.
- Mr. Farley, we have rules here,
and these rules must be adhered to.
- Lady, I come a long way.
- Unless you leave at once,
I will have no choice but to summon help.
- This is the God darnedest thing I ever saw.
- [Hals] Nurse!
Son of a--
- [Hals] Nurse, give a man a break!
- Here!
- [Hals] Give back the facility.
- Mr. Farley, you come back here this minute.
- God damn if this ain't the most humiliating thing.
I'll never use this God damn thing.
I just assume burst.
- Hey Hals, howdy.
- Yeah, howdy my ass.
Did you bring any pants?
- Pants?
- Yeah, I don't suppose you did.
How the hell you expect me to get outta here
without my God damn pants.
- God Hals, take it easy.
The truck broke down.
- Yeah, you should've put oil like I told ya.
- Ah shit.
- And Ringo, you leave him all by his self?
- Hell, he can take care of himself better than you can.
- Don't get me sensed up.
You always bring a pair of pants with you wherever you go.
- No kiddin'.
- I need security in the west wing.
- Cutter, Bradfield?
- [Cutter] Not her again.
- Move it!
Don't walk ahead of me, baby.
- God darn Hals, what they do to ya, boy?
Well, at this rate you could piss around the corner.
- Watch out, Dub.
(Dub grunts)
(gun firing)
- He's got a gun!
- Yeah, I know, let's go!
- Them is fightin' young men there.
(Hals and Dub screaming)
I ain't leaving here in a frigin' sack dress.
- [Dub] All right Hals, where we going?
- [Hals] I don't rightly know.
Damn it, Dub, watch where you're going.
(gun firing)
(patients screaming)
- [Security} Move, move, move, Move!
(cart crashes)
- Jesus!
(screams) Get outta that pee.
- God damn!
- Get outta that pee and don't ever do that again, God.
(orderlies shouting)
(patients and staff chattering)
- Son of of bitch.
- That's right, just put it.
- I got this cab waitin' for us Hals.
- Well, where is that son of a.
- Don't tip me over.
- [Dub] Hey, hey, I got an idea.
This old boy is gonna help us out, Albuquerque.
- Remember us?
- How ya doin', big boy.
(laughing) You still a big boy, ain't ya?
- Brought you some flowers.
- There you go, Hals, get on in.
- [Hals] There's a body in there.
I ain't gettin' in there.
I ain't dead yet.
- Wait, what're you doing?
You can't do this.
What're you doing?
- Now there ain't, come on.
- I.
- You get on in there, you gonna drive, go.
- To what, for, I'm not, I.
- [Dub] Get on in there.
Plant a lily on you.
Let's hang a right here.
Drag ass, here, let's go.
(whimsical music)
- [Hals] Should've taken the other route.
I told ya is was sorted.
- How the hell would you know?
You never been this way.
Just go take a snooze.
When you wake up we'll be there.
- Looks like he took an old man hostage.
Eh, Halsted Johnson.
- [Griff] Sounds like Farley.
- Yeah, he gave Bishop address to admissions.
Farley, that's Harold Dubbins.
- That's him.
- I want you to apprehend him and lock him up.
He's dangerous.
We'll be there tomorrow at 10 a.m. to pick him up.
- I'll call him right now.
Sounds like old Farley went and done it this time.
Come on, Perrin, answer the phone.
- I thought Griff was gonna cry
when I told him you weren't here.
Huh, you're making a liar outta me, Tom Perrin.
I hope it wasn't important.
He sure sounded excited.
- Griff gets excited when he gets a new pair a underwear.
He probably calling me to tell me the back cells painted.
I'm off duty one day a month,
so the last person I wanna spend it with is Griff.
Ah, good game.
- Huh?
- What do you hear from Dub and Hals?
- [Mae] Nothing.
- Oh, they'll probably come rolling in tonight or tomorrow.
Bickering with each other as usual.
Anyway, don't feel bad about telling Griff I wasn't here.
In two minutes time you won't be lying.
I'm outta here.
Ah, I'm not uh, on duty until 11 a.m. tomorrow morning.
Gonna make the most of this time.
- Why you all spiffed up like that?
- Well, come on, Mae,
I don't ask you about your private life, do I?
(Mae laughing)
- That's because I usually tell ya, right?
Gotta hot date?
What am I suppose to tell Griff when he calls?
- You tell him to keep his pants on.
- I suppose I shouldn't be telling you the same.
- Nah.
- Jesus, oh God.
- [Hals] I'm tellin' ya, God damn it, I need some pants on.
It's cold back here in this dress.
- [Dub] Hals, you told me this 400 times.
You're cold, you ain't got no pants,
and I lost your blanket.
What the hell you want me to do about it?
- [Hals] I'll freeze to death before we get there.
I still can't believe you didn't bring me no pants, Dub.
- [Dub] All right, this is fine.
Just stop right here.
Get out big boy, let's go, get on out.
- [Hals] Why we stoppin' here?
What're you doin'?
- Mr. Hals wants some pants.
Well, you shall have some pants.
I ain't gonna hurt ya son.
Just step away from the car there,
and take off your pants.
- [Hals] I ain't wearin' those pants.
They're too big.
I don't know what he's been doin' in those pants.
- [Man] Hey Griff, woo hoo!
- [Griff] Ha, they ain't foolin' me.
(door thuds) (Griff grunts)
I think I'm gonna have to get me a new job.
Well, I don't know, this ain't bad.
- [Lonnie] Let's go, Rog.
Hey, did you see her lookin' at me all night.
- [Roger] She wasn't lookin' at you, Lon.
She was lookin' at me.
You're blind as a bat, boy.
Hey Lonnie, did you see that?
- [Lonnie] What the fuck was that?
- It looked like a sack of gypsies
walking on stilts, I suggest.
- [Lonnie] Wait a minute, hold on, hold on here.
Hey, what're you doin'?
Hey, come on outta there.
(Roger laughing loudly)
- Hi, what, what brings you gentlemen out tonight?
(Roger laughing loudly)
- Stand up!
Stand up you fat sack of shit, come on!
- [Roger] I'd do it, Lonnie, he ain't wearin' no pants.
- What the hell are these?
- These are gentlemen's garters.
(Lonnie and Roger laughing loudly)
- Hey, don't laugh, Roger.
This is serious shit man.
(Lonnie howling)
- What're you some kind of throwback or something?
(Lonnie howling)
- You're scared of me, aren't ya?
I'm gonna kick your ass.
(fist thuds)
- [Roger] Why'd you do that?
- [Lonnie] Ah man, ah man.
- I don't know where you come from, mister.
If I was you I'd get myself outta here before I got hurt.
(Lonnie groans)
- You don't.
- [Roger] Are you all right?
- I'm fine, you don't understand what the.
There's some floored madman.
- [Lonnie] That hurt my hand.
- Who kidnapped me from a hospital.
Some guy named Lob or Dub.
- Dub?
- That's it.
- I thought he was outta town.
Lonnie, come on.
Get up, come on, we gotta go.
- I'm goin'.
- Come on.
- [Lonnie] I'm goin'.
- [Roger] Lonnie, give me the keys.
- [Lonnie] I'm drivin'.
- [Roger] Lonnie, shit.
(Lonnie howling and screaming)
(tires screeching)
- [Hals] God damn, you're jumpy.
You been jumpy all day.
- I ain't jumpy.
- You're so jumpy, you're makin' me nervous.
- I know, it's all my fault, huh?
- I didn't say that
I said you was jumpy.
(Hals gasps)
- [Dub] You all right?
- My heart ain't what it used to be.
- [Griff] What're you in some kinda trouble?
- Oh, no, no.
- Pretty fancy socks you got on there.
You know, it's my duty as a police officer to inform you
that waltzing around town without any pants on
is, is, well, it just ain't right.
- Listen, I just need some help, that's all.
- What happened to your lip?
- Can you help me or not?
- What're you some kinda smart ass?
Get in the car and hurry it up!
Hurry it up.
You just stay on your side of the seat.
Shut the door.
You just stay on your side.
You dress like that all the time?
- [Roger] Turn down the light.
- [Lonnie] Be quiet, just be quiet.
- [Roger] You have to turn the lights out.
You're gonna wake the old man up.
Now, shut up.
Shh, don't slam your door, Lonnie.
You're gonna wake him up, shh.
(Lonnie laughing)
Be quiet, damn it.
- [Lonnie] You be quiet.
- [Roger] Come here boy.
It's a good thing, it's all right.
- [Lonnie] How do ya lift it (grunts)?
- Dub, listen outside.
There's someone moving around out there.
- [Lonnie] You're so pretty, you're so pretty.
- [Roger] All right, Lonnie, let go of the horse.
Let go of the damn horse.
What did I say, Lonnie?
I'll take care of the horse.
You're gonna startle him.
You're gonna wake up the old man.
- [Lonnie] It's my car.
- God damn kids never will learn, will they?
Get that damn rope off that horse!
Get that rope off that horse!
- This nag is mine now, you old son of a bitch.
- [Roger] Lonnie, he's got that gun again.
Let's get outta here.
- Shut up, Roger, shut up!
Now, I am takin' this nag here,
and I don't want any shit from you or anybody else, okay!
- [Dub] Keep it up.
- [Lonnie] All right!
- [Roger] Lonnie, let's just go home
before somebody gets hurt, okay?
- [Lonnie] I'm gonna handle this, Rog.
- What's all the noise about?
(gun firing)
- [Dub] Jesus Christ, is he all right?
- [Roger] Hey, stay away from us!
- Ah man, it's this gun.
- Hey man, this is bullshit!
You keep shootin' at me!
(bottle crashing)
(fists thudding) (men grunting)
- Put the bottle down, Hawk!
(men grunting)
Put the bottle down, Hawk!
- When did you quit countin' birthdays, gramps?
- Ain't stopped yet?
(gun firing)
- All right, I told you boys, get off here.
(gun firing)
Get the hell outta here!
Here's your 50 bucks.
- What're you gonna do about our window?
- [Hals] Sends us a bill.
- [Dub] Charge it to my credit card.
- Now get the hell outta here!
- [Lonnie] Ah, shit.
- [Roger] Let's go, Lonnie, come on.
- That's it, that's it, Farley.
- Lonnie, I mean it.
- I'm coming back!
- Lonnie, let's go!
Now, come on, come on!
God damn it, get in the car!
- [Lonnie] We'll get back!
- [Roger] Lonnie, just shut up, okay.
- [Lonnie] I wanna drive, I'm drivin'.
- [Roger] I told you you'd keep it up till you got hurt.
- That's a hell of a place to shoot a man.
In the rear window.
- Well, Lonnie Hawks ain't much of a man, is he?
God it's pretty.
Hals, I wanna thank ya.
If you hadn't come out when ya did,
they might've finished me off.
- I guess so, Dub.
- Let's go in and have a drink.
- Yeah, I'll be in in a minute.
- Gettin' chilly out here.
Well, stay out here all night if you want to.
It doesn't matter to me.
You wanna come in, or what?
- Give me a minute.
I'm real outta breath.
- Well, standin' out here in the cold ain't gonna help you.
I'm goin' in.
- Have you talked to Mae?
I mean, did you see her while I was gone?
- Yeah Hals, I talked to her a little.
You wasn't gone long enough
for anything much else to happen.
Hals, hey boy, you better get yourself to a doctor.
- Don't take me back to that place, Dub.
Ain't time enough for that anyway.
- You stop talkin' like that,
'cause you're gonna be here long after I'm gone.
- I want you to take me to The Falls.
- Why don't ya go yourself?
You been up there more than I have.
- I would've come home myself,
if I could've remembered how.
I wouldn't needed your help.
I forget how to get there, Dub.
Doctor at the hospital said I had some kind of a stroke.
He was gonna try and keep me in there.
That's no place for a man.
- Well, stop talkin' like that.
Come on inside now, will ya?
- Don't tell Mae.
I don't want her gettin' all upset.
I hate the city.
I don't wanna go back to that place.
- Hals, stop it, you're just as strong as you ever were.
You just got old, boy.
- I ain't goin' back there.
I want you to take me to The Falls.
- God darn, come on, Hals.
Will you stop talkin' like you already done croaked?
I'll tell ya what.
I won't tell Mae, okay.
- [Hals] Dub, promise me, we'll make it.
- [Dub] Jesus Christ, Hals.
(light harmonica music)
- [Hals] How humiliating, now we gotta ride double.
You had to go and sell your damn horse.
(light piano music)
- Well, I don't know sir.
He said he'd be in sometime this morning.
- [Courter] Sometime huh?
Well, tell me what that's supposed to be on my watch.
- Well uh, I, I know we're late,
but we're gonna get over there real soon.
Now, I promise you that.
I, I, I promise, okay?
- Well, you find him.
He was supposed to meet us here at 10 a.m.
Great town.
- Did he say where he was going?
I'm just fine, thanks.
No, no I haven't.
Look, I can't.
Look, I gotta go.
- What's uh, shakin', Griff?
- I been lookin' for you all over town.
- Yeah?
- [Griff] You wouldn't believe what happened.
The phone like to run right off this desk.
- Well, did you answer?
- [Griff] You bet I did.
Bet you can't guess who it was neither.
- No, I'm beside myself with anticipation though.
- It was this big detective from Sacramento
lookin' for Dub Farley.
Seems that Dub and Hals got in some kinda trouble up there.
I told him I figured they'd be comin' back here.
- Oh, you did, huh?
- Yeah, I also told him we oughta have
a kind of a stakeout up at Dub's place.
They'll come back here sooner or later.
You want me to handle it?
- No, I think you did too much already.
Probably some kind of misunderstanding.
I'll talk to Mae, and then go on up to Dub's.
- Too late, that cop from Sacramento, he's already here.
We were supposed to meet him 30 minutes ago
over at Feed and Grain.
Know what he told me?
(telephone ringing)
- Yeah?
- [Courter] Who is this?
- Tom Perrin, Sheriff.
- Nice of you to keep your appointments.
- Are you outta Sacramento?
- Yes I am, but listen, I haven't got time to chat.
Get a pencil.
Harold Dubbins Farley, alias Dub,
he abducted a Halsted Johnson, nicknamed Hals,
from the Bayview Nursing Home.
He threatened the staff and security guards.
He discharged a shotgun inside the premise.
He took a local driver, a Wayne Talmadge, hostage.
Forced him to drive he and Halsted at gunpoint to Bishop.
I want you to help us apprehend him.
- You Wayne Talmadge?
- Yes.
- Look, Talmadge was not hurt.
He's right here with me.
- Wasn't hurt?
I was in mortal fear of losing my life.
- Why don't I go on up to Dub's and talk to him
before everybody gets excited.
- I don't do talking.
Let's just go and bust him, all right.
- Look, I'll check it out.
- Don't check it out.
Put him in jail if you have one,
and move it too, will ya, please?
I don't have all day to spend here in Mayberry.
- Well, let's get going.
We don't wanna keep that Courter fella waitin'.
- I'll get it.
- I wanna talk to Mae before everybody gets riled up.
- What good will it do?
Wouldn't get the truth from her.
She's been sidin' with both of them.
- What's that for?
- In case there's trouble, Tom.
- [Wayne] Would you get me some donuts or something?
- [Griff] Glazed?
- Yeah.
- Lock up when you leave.
- Well, I.
(siren wailing)
- Howdy boys.
Well, I'll be takin' over now.
Man, who we got here?
- Are you Sheriff Perrin?
- No, I'm Deputy Sheriff Sanford Griff, sir.
- Sanford?
- He makes the Sheriff's coffee.
(crowd laughing)
- More than I can say for you, Roger.
At least I got a job.
- This is a clipboard.
These men have been kind enough to offer their assistance,
if we need it.
The names on this clipboard belong to these men.
Now, we have a record if we need one.
Do you understand?
- What's all this?
- Well, I just deputized these men, can't you see?
- Now, this is gettin' outta hand.
There's no need for deputies.
- I'm Detective Albert Courter,
and you must be Sheriff Perrin.
- Yeah, look, there's no need for deputies at this point.
- Who said anything about deputies?
Oh, this is just a record for protection.
- I think if I go up and talk to Dub.
- Don't think, it's handled.
Any questions?
No, I didn't think so.
You don't look like a man with many questions.
- I'm gonna go talk to Mae.
- Deputize these men.
How many of you have guns?
- All right, keep them hands up if you got 'em up.
If you don't, let's raise your right hand.
I do solemnly swear.
- What is it?
Dub, Hals, no accident.
- No, no, don't get wind up just yet.
They're all right.
Other than bringing in
the entire Sacramento police department
into town after their tails,
things are just about normal.
There's a detective from Sacramento here lookin' for 'em.
Called me this morning
goin' on about how Dub shot up the place
Hals was stayin' at.
Says he kidnapped a hearse driver.
Forced him to bring them both back here.
Met the poor guy this morning at the station.
- Doesn't that sound like something
that Hals would dream up?
Imagine what my life would've been like
if I'd married either one of them.
- (snickers) Never a dull moment.
Why don't you take a drive with me on up to Dub's.
- [Courter] Where's Perrin?
- Uh well, he was, he uh.
- You know how to get to Farley's?
- Yeah, yeah, I do know that.
You take Main Street on up, then you turn.
- All right, let's go.
Oh uh, listen to me on the radio, all right.
Let's go, let's go, what do you want,
flowers and candy, come on.
- [Griff] All right, lets' get goin' here.
- You men wait here.
- Right there, right there, here I am.
(siren wailing)
- [Courter] Will you please take your foot off the brake.
- [Griff] Oh, well I was just uh, we're goin'.
(siren wailing) (tires screeching)
- (chuckles) Hi Bear, what's wrong?
- This is the K-B-N 34 85 calling the old K-B-K 21 97.
Come on back.
- Excuse me, Mae.
- [Griff] Sheriff Perrin,
this is Deputy Sheriff Sanford Griff.
Come in please, Sheriff Perrin.
Hey Tom, eh, this is Griff.
Are you around?
- Yeah Griff, what do you want?
- This is Courter.
Hold Farley until we get there, over.
- Don't waste your time, they're gone.
- [Courter] Any idea where?
- Nope, no idea.
- Let's get back and pick up the posse.
- Sure like to find out where they went.
I wonder what all the shooting was about?
- The shooting had to have
something to do with the Hawk boys.
- What about your boyfriend's disappearing act?
- Well, I never could get a straight answer
from either one of them.
Hals has been sick a long time.
Funny, you know somebody so well
you can just read the words in their eyes.
Thought I was gonna marry him once.
Well I mean, thought he was gonna ask me to marry him.
Oh God, I was so much in love with him.
Took me to the most beautiful place I'd ever seen.
The Falls, we got there
I thought he was gonna pop the question
right then and there.
He said he told me the place reminded him of Dub.
Jesus God, I was so mad.
- [Tom] If he'd asked you, would you have married him?
- Hell no, not when I could have both of them.
Told me that's the place he'd wanna go to be buried.
That's where they went.
- Well, I hope they got a head start.
Gotta find them before Courter does.
Come on, Bear, load up.
Come on, come on, load up.
Get in there, that a boy.
(light harmonica music)
(Dub burps)
- [Dub] Whoa, I gotta take a leak, now.
- [Hals] You'd walk better if your feet wasn't so big.
Don't step on my hat.
- [Dub] This here ground it's hard to get your balance here.
(Dub grunts) (Ringo whinnying)
God darn, geez.
- What the hell do ya think you're doin'?
- [Dub] My knee, oh.
- [Hals] Are you all right?
- [Dub] No hell, I ain't all right, God.
- Well, get up here fast.
You scared Ringo.
You look like a turd rolled in straw.
- (chuckles) You're gonna have to hold him yourself.
I can't move so fast.
- You're movin' slow 'cause you're gettin' old.
- You're older than these God damn rocks.
I'll help you off Ringo here, come on now, here.
- We gotta be movin'
if we're gonna make The Falls by evening.
- Yeah, I know,
but you gotta help me with something before we move out.
- What's the matter with you.
You been movin' mighty stiff.
- I got some stickers back there in that brush.
- Let me see.
Them ain't stickers, Dub.
- Hey, I don't care what ya call them son of a bitches.
I just want you to pull them out.
- A man oughta know what's stickin' outta his butt
before he just goes and just pulls it out.
- Well sir, Mr. Hals, please sir.
Whether it's cholla or barrel cactus, or a stick brush,
would ya pull these stickers outta my butt.
- Drop your drawers then.
- No, break 'em off.
- Look at that!
- [Dub] Easy now.
- [Hals] We gotta real problem here.
- Come on now, God darn.
- Look at this.
- [Dub] I don't wanna look at that son of a bitch,
you old skunk.
I want ya to pull 'em out.
- Now, that one's gonna have to twist her out.
- Ow (grunts)!
God, you skunk!
Take it easy!
Eh, God darn!
Ah shit!
- All right, let's get outta here.
- [Man] Okay, let's go.
- [Roger] Feel like drivin', Lon?
- [Lonnie] No, you drive.
(siren wailing)
(light harmonica music)
- Some horse.
- You don't have to stop playin'.
I like it when you play.
- Sure, Dub.
I dropped the harmonica.
- Fresh tracks.
- Come on, Hals.
You said we gotta get to them falls before sundown.
Come on now.
Let's go.
- [Courter] How well do you men know these mountains?
- Well enough to find Dub Farley.
- What're you gettin' at Courter?
- It might be necessary to split up.
- There's a lot of little trails up there.
It's mighty easy to get lost if you ain't familiar.
- You ain't gettin' soft on us, are you Griff?
(men laughing)
- Look, I know these mountains as well as any of ya.
- Shit.
- We gonna be losing light soon,
and this ain't a good place to be after dark.
- Unless you got any other suggestions,
it's the only way to ensure Farley's capture.
Here, take these binoculars.
Try and spot something out there.
All right, we'll each take an area.
Cover it, and check back here in one hour.
(harmonica chord)
- Look what I got here.
- That's mine.
- [Roger] Bullshit.
- No, no, I, I dropped it, Rog.
- You can't even play one, Lonnie.
- [Lonnie] Come on, give it to me right now.
- I found it.
- What you found, Roger, is mine.
Give it to me.
- You don't own no damn harmonica, Lonnie!
- You give me that son of a bitch, Rog!
- Give him the harmonica, Roger, so he'll shut up.
- Who are you, my daddy?
- I'll buy you a new one when we get back.
- Courter, take a look.
(harmonica music)
- Well, son of a bitch, it's Perrin.
Where does that road go?
- It's a old mine road.
Goes right up to The Falls.
- Do you know how to get there?
- Uh yeah, I think, yeah.
- All right, let's head out.
You follow Griff.
- All right, let's move men!
All right, let's go, Hawk!
We ain't got all day, move!
- Aye, aye, asshole.
- [Dub] Ooh, cut that out, Ringo.
First it's my butt, now it's blisters on my feet.
Last pair of boots I'm ever gonna own.
I swear these damn things
will take another year to break 'em in.
(chuckles) They'll kill me before I see another year.
You know, in the old days
they used to shoot a man and take his boots.
Shoot, that's a waste of good shells.
What they should've done if they seen some boots they like,
just hang around till the sucker slipped and killed himself.
That way they'd get the boots without wasting no shells.
- [Courter] Perrin, this is Courter, come in.
- Yeah Courter, over.
- We spotted you up in the old mine road.
You're approximately, oh, five minutes ahead of us.
If you see Farley before we get there, do no engage.
I repeat, do not engage.
I have reason to believe he's armed and dangerous.
- I'll do whatever I think is the best thing to do.
Dub Farley is not dangerous, over.
- [Courter] You have your orders, Perrin.
- I'm tired of takin' your orders.
- Perrin, I order you to come in.
- Hey, you're cuttin' out.
I'm losin' ya.
- He can't hear ya.
Appreciate if you wouldn't throw my mic around like that.
- Can this Courter make trouble for you?
- I suppose he could.
- Maybe we oughta do what he says.
- It ain't the right thing to do, Mae, for Dub or Hals.
(melancholy music)
- Here you go, partner, come on.
Here, just have a little bit of this.
That'll perk you up.
There ya go.
Eh, it's all right.
You gonna do all right.
Come on now, let's get up for The Falls.
You can do it.
Come on now.
Here we go.
All right, here we go, here we go.
Come on now.
- Ah man, come on, Griff.
Where'd you get your drivers license, The Feed Store?
- He's following a little close, isn't he?
- Take it easy, Lonnie.
- Oh, relax man.
I'm just havin' a little fun (laughing).
(car thuds)
- God damn it, Lonnie.
- Tell him to back off.
Back off!
(Lonnie laughing)
- Congratulations, you pissed Courter off now.
- Oops, sorry!
The brakes are a little soft!
- Says his brakes are a little soft.
- They ain't half as soft as his head.
- He got some kind of hard on for you?
- Hard on?
- Speed it up, Griff, we ain't got all year.
Man, I am gettin' tired of this, Rog.
We could've had Farley hours ago,
if we hadn't listened to them assholes!
We'd be up to The Falls in 15 minutes if we went ourselves.
- Don't go doin' something stupid.
- Man (laughing).
Hey, watch this.
Hey, Mr. Police Chief, Griff, sir,
I'm lost can you help?
- What're you doin'?
(horn blowing) (tires screeching)
- You yell at me again, Roger,
I swear to God, I'll kick your ass.
- Hals, you're lookin' good, buddy.
- [Lonnie] Did you bring some bullets?
- [Roger] What're you plannin' to do?
- [Lonnie] I just wanna know if you brought extra bullets.
- [Roger] That gun ain't gonna do you no good
without bullets, is it now?
- Did you bring some?
- Shit, Lonnie, they're in the glove box.
- Thank you.
I'm gonna get me a fuckin' reward.
- That's stupid, Lonnie.
- What is?
You don't even know what I'm thinkin', all right.
- Get off it, Lonnie, we can't ambush Dub Farley.
- Did I say that?
Who said that?
Oh man, and I ain't stupid, Rog.
Don't you fuckin' call me stupid.
I'm just as smart as you, maybe smarter.
- I didn't say you were stupid, Lonnie.
I just don't think it's a good idea to go shootin' a man.
It's kind of against the law, you know.
- Hey, guess what, Rog?
I ain't interested in your ideas!
- Don't get so excited.
- Hey, I ain't excited.
- Look, Lonnie.
- Get Rog, just shut the fuck up!
Just don't even fuckin' say a word!
- Look, Lonnie.
- Shut up, Rog!
- Will ya listen to me for once?
- No!
- Lonnie, I'm not gonna stand behind ya in this.
- Hey, then go, okay!
- Look, what you're planning is wrong!
Let me outta the car then!
- No, man.
- [Roger] Let me outta the car.
- What the hell is he doin'?
(Lonnie laughing)
- [Lonnie] Bye, bye.
- What the hell do you think you're doin', Hawk?
- Can I have a ride, or what?
- Get in!
We're gonna keep our eye on ya.
Your boy's a little touchy, ain't he?
- You blow this for me, Hawk, your ass is mine.
- You just watch me.
I am gonna kill that bastard in his sleep, kaboom!
What happened, what happened?
(Lonnie laughing)
Get open, you're stubborn.
(laughing) This is gonna be rich.
Get off of me.
Oh, you son of a bitch.
(harmonica chord)
- God damn, wasn't that something?
Whole town seen me come by on this fuckin' flyin' horse
goin' straight up there.
Takin' a couple of laps around the moon, then comin' home.
Gals want my autograph after a stunt like that.
(horse whinnying)
Hey, what're you gettin' jittery for, huh?
You smell a bear?
- Dub, you gotta talk to Mae.
- I don't need to talk to her.
She done read your letter.
- When you get back,
I want you to tell her where I'm restin'.
A lot of things I never said to her.
- There's a lot of things
neither one of us ever said to her.
You better do it if you get the chance.
You ain't dyin' now on me, shit.
Come on, your grip's as strong as mine.
(Ringo snorting)
All day, don't you dump old Hals off now.
- Dub, you listen to me.
Dub, tell Mae I love her.
- You should've married her, Hals.
- I wanted to, but I couldn't.
Too afraid to love her the way she needed to be loved.
The way you loved her, Dub.
- Ah Hals, let's go.
- She'd be good for you, Dub.
- Come on.
- She'd marry you in a second.
- Too late for that.
Snow flies in, we'll both be resting in there.
How you doin'?
Don't matter, Ringo's gonna get us there.
See, you old bastard.
You never think I can finish anything, do ya, huh?
Well, I kept this promise.
I got us to The Falls.
Well, almost.
Here we go.
(Hals grunts)
(dramatic music)
Well, I told ya I'd get us here.
Whatcha think now, you old buzzard?
(dramatic music)
- Oh my God!
Dub, get down!
(gun firing)
(dramatic music)
- [Mae] Let me go, let me go!
- [Tom] Come back here, Mae!
- [Mae] Let me go!
- You little shit!
Why'd you do that, why?
- [Mae] Hals!
(Dub grunting and screaming)
Hals, Hals, Hals!
- [Dub] You little shit!
- [Mae] Oh, no (crying).
Dub, Dub, come back, please!
(dramatic music)
Dub, Dub.
(gun firing)
- Lonnie, Lonnie!
- Don't say a word, not a God damn word.
- Hey partner, we finished what we set out to do.
(melancholy music)
* Leon tries to say he loves you
* But he just can't find the words to tell ya so
* And James is someone you can talk to
* But he talks to you
* Then talks and talks some more
* But when I hold you in my arms it feels so right
* And when your body touches mine I'm in love all night
* Because I'm the only man who's right for you
* I'm the only man all right with you
* I'm the only man
* Who knows he can make all your dreams come true
* Yes, I'm the only man who's right for you
* And Jesse, he buys you presents with his money
* He thinks that he can buy your heart with gold
* And Willie, he makes you laugh 'cause he's so funny, yeah
* But there ain't no way that he can win your soul
* Because when your lips are touching mine it's like a prize
* And there ain't no man alive can take you higher
* Because I'm the only man who's right for you
* I'm the only man all right with you
* I'm the only man
* Who knows he can make all your dreams come true
* Yes, I'm the only man who's right for you
* Because when your lips are touching mine it's like a prize
* And there ain't no man alive can take you higher
* Because I'm the only man who's right for you
* I'm the only man all right with you
* I'm the only man
* Who knows he can make all your dreams come true
* Yes, I'm the only man who's right for you
* The only man who's right for you
* Only man who's right for you
* You know it's true
* Yeah, I'm a man
* I'm just a man for you